From the Head to the Heart

    My first day at Cabrini's evening class in downtown Seattle I served as "door man" letting people into the locked garrison of Cathedral Place.  In '94 I was an intern student from Seattle University's Theology Program contributing my wisdom gleaned from dutiful coursework.  I had ambitions to teach Cabrini classes and hold continuing education seminars to spread the wealth of all my learnings. Much to my surprise I was posted at the door to welcome people, nothing more and nothing less, I was a bona-fide "door man." Frustrated, disappointed, humbled and mystified I begrudgingly remained at my post with the pesky nudge of Mary Fran Barkshire saying "listen to what's going on inside, you've got something here."  Much later I learned that all my heady ambitions would not be fulfilled at Cabrini Ministry because their focus lies in the heart, what happens in the core of who we are, who we want to be, and who we once were.

        Before Cabrini Ministry Training I was always fearful of not knowing the right answer, not having the appropriate remark, or not being a "good minister."  Since my training and involvement with the team leadership I learned that I don't have to know everything, I don't have to say anything, I don't even have to be real "good" at anything.  All I need to be is present to the person before me then trust that God who is bigger than any problem can heal all.  I learned that through smallness and humility God can do more provided the "ME" is out of the way.  The journey through Cabrini Ministry Training has been a breakthrough experience to let loose my mental insecurities encumbering my head, and hunker down to the heart of the person to truly listen.  Thus far I have applied this training to detention ministry, Hispanic ministry and youth ministry.  I no longer cringe from fear filling the pit of my stomach in awkward ministry settings.  Instead I thrive on it.  This exciting world of ministry has opened up a whole new world as well as a whole new perception of it. Presently I'm living in Cleveland, Ohio discerning a call to the religious life with the Franciscans, and it all began one day as a "door man" at Cabrini.  Through a thick skulled head I have learned the heart of the issue is all about the little things I do and how I do them.  I thank you all throughout Cabrini who taught me these hard learned lessons in life, your influence continues to shape who I am.  I pray that we all continue to discern the nudge of God and know my heart is joined with the Cabrini community often by prayer.

God Bless, John, CMT '95

Pastoral Care Ministry at Children’s Hospital

    Children’s Hospital is a very special place as you can assume and to be able to minister there has been for me a great privilege and opportunity for spiritual growth like no other. I have been volunteering since 1999 with long periods of rest in between and have been blessed with an abundance of experiences that have touched my life deeply.

    When I started I was very scared, as I knew I was over sensitive, had a hard time to see sick and suffering people and that I would meet suffering children was just the worst possible. But, I felt called; I was drawn to children’s hospital and still am as the call to share Gods love is still stronger than my fear.  To share God’s love and to make his presence known, that is the purpose of our visits at Children’s. I remember that my original thought, when I started was, that I wanted to bring God’s love, but have found that God is so very present in every room in every situation and I was in awe so many times, how much love God wants to give to his suffering children.  The nurses and doctors at Children’s are fantastic and it is a wonderful spirit of love and care in this place. The outpouring of love from family and friends, schools and churches are visible and most rooms are filled with balloons, flowers, greeting cards and toys. The children are seldom alone in the room, mostly there is a parent, grandparent, relative or friend with the child to entertain and to comfort.  But all this does not change the fact that there is a lot of pain in a situation like this. It is extremely difficult to see your child suffer often not knowing the outcome, possibly struggling with feelings of guilt, worries, anger, sadness and if you are a parent you have to hold up to make your child comfortable and support it in every way.

    That is the situation we are to enter and use the skills we have learned, to be present, to be aware, to watch and to listen, to share the pain and the worries and hopefully share faith and find together the presence of God. Our visit is a reminder for the suffering that God cares and they are not alone in this, we can help them to see all the signs visible, we can help them to remember the promises of our loving God and often pray together for their needs. We are able to give spiritual support, share books and stories or just be present.

    I have found that people have so much faith, hardly ever is there anybody who does not have a relationship with God and I have heard that people who did not have faith or time to think about God had time there, sitting at their child’s bedside. I remember especially one father who told me that he had thought that he was in control of his life and he had been a really tuff guy until he experienced his helplessness seeing his son sick and suffering  and that experience changed his outlook on life totally and he was eternally grateful to God as his son was getting well.

    My own faith was challenged a great deal as I had a hard time to accept that small children have to suffer and I was angry at God and extremely upset when I met babies handicapped for life and no help for healing and change available.  I had to learn not to see things from my perspective but enter into the mystery of God’s love and trust that He will provide and all is in his hands. Children and parents have helped me to grow in that special area a great deal.  I remember one teenage boy who was so gravely handicapped that he hardly could speak but was very willing to communicate and his father helped him. It was a touching story, he had been a perfectly healthy very successful high school student and suddenly suffered from a blood hemorrhage in his brain and lost all body functions. His healing was a very slow process. What touched me deeply was his faith in Jesus, the acceptance of his situation and strong belief that there was a meaning in his suffering. He had not given up his hope or his dream to be a teacher one day and bring people to Jesus; I was awed at this young man’s faith. I will never forget our prayer, the presence of the Holy Spirit was so strong and one thing was sure, this boy had brought me closer to Jesus. When I left the room fairly shaken up I heard “Hallelujah!” and the nurse on duty called after me: what have you done with them?

    I had done nothing, just tried to be totally present, calm, to listen, to accept, to let go and let God and share his presence and love with father and son. I did not see this boy again, and that is very often the case, you see somebody once and next week when you come back they are gone. There are constantly new challenges to face every time as you never know what situation you will encounter when you enter a room. You do not know whom you will meet, how many people, what faith, what denomination and the only preparation for us is to be open and trusting that the holy spirit is with us. I have learned that it is important that I pray before I go visiting, that the Holy Spirit guides me and is with me and I give my visits into God hands. He is in charge of the outcome. I have received wonderful signs that this is the case that gave me courage and trust.

    I met a mother in the chapel who was very upset and shared her concern with me about her daughter.  We prayed together for the need of the girl and the family .The mother felt comforted by our prayer and I left her to go for my visits. At that time I just went where the Spirit led me to one of the floors and I asked the nurse if she knew somebody who needed a visit. The answer was no, everybody was fine but in spite of that answer I was drawn to enter into one of the rooms and to my great amazement I found the 9 year old girl I just had prayed for. This was an encouragement for me that I just could follow my heart and I would be guided to whomever God wanted me to see.

    There are times though, when you will be unable to connect, when there is no interest, no need nor wish for a visit and this is a lesson to be learned not to take that personal but to accept peoples privacy and wish. It is always very important not to impose but to be sensitive and I can say that at Children’s you have a chance to use all the skills you learn as a Cabrini Ministry Graduate to the fullest. That you have a love for children and feel comfortable around them is a must of course.  They are amazing, little heroes and touch your heart in many ways. Like this one little fellow who sat in his bed with a huge bandage around his head. 4 years of age. He looked at me and with a big smile said: Siegrid come here, give me a kiss! That is worth everything don’t you agree?

    How would you be able to get involved in ministering at Children’s Hospital?

    There are currently different groups serving the spiritual needs of patients and their caretakers. One is the interfaith pastoral care group with members from different Christian denominations and the other is Camillus group connected with St. Bridget's Parish serving only Catholic families, sharing the Eucharist and helping with Mass once a week There is also the possibility to help with Sunday services in the chapel.  In all cases you have to go through a training program.  Camillus group is welcoming new members from other parishes as well, if they are willing to accept certain rules to fit into their order and have gone through the training at Children’s.

CMT '97 graduate

Testimony from a Detention Minister

1) 13 of 14 inmates on the top-security floor of the King County (Seattle, WA) Jail in early 2004 were all men who had made decisions for Christ and were truly on fire for Jesus, discussing scripture and philosophy day and night. This lasted for perhaps 3-4 months. A guard remarked to one of the pastoral ministers how significantly the ministry work had impacted the men on the floor. He then observed that (I'm paraphrasing), "a lot of us could benefit from what you do...you ought to start a ministry group for us."

2) I began ministry with a man in his mid-30s in mid-2002. Serving a life sentence, his conviction had been overturned and sent back to the court for re-examination. He maintained that he had been framed. After three visits I knew, to the degree we think we know anything, that he was indeed innocent. I spent the next two years listening to his legal strategies, praying for legal resources to help him fight, and praying for hope. At times it looked likely that he would lose his case for lack of help and be returned to the penitentiary. This man worked very hard on preparing his own defense, using skills he had learned by studying law on his own while incarcerated. On June 29, 2004 he was finally released--exonerated--after more than 7 years in jail. He maintained that ministry support made the difference for him between a lifetime in jail and freedom.

CMT '02 graduate